Robert Forster had nothing
to do with this rant.

In regard to your terror attacks and murders of innocents, we must say that we are truly impressed. But you have not yanked our chains in the required direction for us to suddenly bow down and believe in your superstitions. Thus, as free thinking women and men, we still feel that there are no justifications for what you have done. And this is your fair notice that we will infiltrate your religion and bring Operation Mindfuck to you. Live and direct, in the hopes that you would realize that the lives of unbelievers everywhere are certainly more precious than the wasted slivers of human beings your outfits tend to produce.

We must admit that we have to thank you. For decades now we of the Discordian Society have been trying to show people that holding any beliefs is very dangerous to the health of this planet. We have always felt that beliefs make people insane and unclean. Believers always resort to violence whenever scientific evidence fails to back up their monstrous claims of gaseous entities that live in the sky somewhere. We always suspected that believers were only held under the thrall of beliefs, not out of their inherent beauty, but out of shear terror. Again, we of the Discordian Society thank you for demonstrating to the entire world the inherent idiocy and vileness of beliefs. Your fanaticism is a clarion call to the whole world of the logical conclusion of religion whenever and wherever it is deemed more important than life itself. Also, we thank you for showing the whole world of the failure of your own belief system in making you more peaceful and evolved, happy beings. You claim to be under Allah's will even as you inflict your disease of violence upon the world. So instead of the Christian's excuse of "the devil made me do it" what does that mean you are saying? Allah makes you do it? What does that make your God look like?

We Discordians are getting tired of you monotheistic heathens bullying and conquering and frightening the masses with your Curse of Greyface. So consider this: It doesn't matter what you do. Keep blowing up shit and killing people and all of the rest of whatever it is that you do because you have no real lives. Keep it up. Your actions will only make it certain that more American and British soldiers will be sent to your homelands until there is nothing left but McDonalds, Starbucks, and parking lots (and probably some overpriced shoebox-sized condominiums). Way to go jerky boys! Instead of building schools, hospitals, and other such socially and cultural useful items, (you know, the sorts of things that contribute to people's wellbeing and liberation) you just want more warfare. Again, way to go, jerky boys! Keep keeping the corporate sponsors happy. Keep up the good work of giving your so-called enemies more excuses to rid the planet of your type. (You think God is on your side? Heh. If God was on your side, you wouldn't have to lift a finger to fight, idiots. How do we know this? Because Our God is a Crazy Woman and Her name is Eris.)

We have a proposition for you Jihadist believers of Islam: How about you and your Christian enemies get together on some island somewhere and fight it out there while the rest of the world moves onward in the directions it wishes to go? Then you can all die off as martyrs or whatever silly titles you give yourselves, and Eris will not have to smite your greyfaced asses. (We can even televise it so as to make it the greatest reality TV show in the history of humankind.)

That is all we have to say.

Yet again, thank you for showing us all exactly how UGLY beliefs and believers are.

This message was sponsored by The Committee for the Complete Disregard of Anything Said by Committees Seeking the Elimination of the Right to Express Any Points that Displease Them. (C.C.D.A.S.B.C.S.E.R.E.A.P.D.T.)