ORDINATION AS A POEE PRIEST
(POEE UK AMENDMENT)
POEE is one manifestation of THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY about which you will learn more and understand less.
We are a tribe of philosophers, theologians, magicians, scientists, artists, clowns, and similar maniacs who are intrigued with ERIS GODDESS OF CONFUSION and with Her Doings...
-The Numeral 'V' sign-
Used by old Roman Discordians, Illuminatus Churchill, and innocent Hippies everywhere.
~
There are no particular qualifications for Ordination because if you want to be a POEE Priest then you must undoubtedly qualify. Who could possibly know better than you whether or not you should be Ordained?
An ORDAINED POEE PRIEST or PRIESTESS is defined as "one who holds an Ordination Certificate from the Office of the Polyfather."
(Download your certificate)
ERISIAN AFFIRMATION:
BEFORE THE GODDESS ERIS, I (name or holy name), do herewith declare myself a POEE BROTHER of THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD. HAIL HAIL HAIL HAIL HAIL ERIS ERIS ERIS ERIS ERIS ALL HAIL DISCORDIA!
The presiding POEE Official (if any) responds:
ALL HAIL DISCORDIA!
HOW TO START A POEE CABAL WITHOUT MESSING AROUND WITH THE POLYFATHER
If you can't find the Polyfather, or having found him, don't want anything to do with him, you are still authorized to form your own POEE CABAL and do Priestly Things, using the Principia Discordia as a guide†. Your Official Rank will be POEE CHAPLIN for the LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD, which is exactly the same as a POEE PRIEST except that you don't have an Ordination Certificate. The words you are now reading are your ordination.
HOW TO BECOME A POEE CHAPLIN
1. Write the ERISIAN AFFIRMATION in five copies.
2. Sign and nose-print each copy.
3. Send one to the President of the United States, or the UK Prime Minister
4. Send one to:
The California Bureau of Home Furnishings and Thermal Insulation and Bedding
3485 Orange Grove Ave,
North Highlands CA 95660
Or, in the UK:
Department of Trade and Industry Response Centre
1 Victoria Street,
London
SW1H OET
5. Nail one to a telephone pole. Hide one. And burn the other. Then consult your pineal gland.
THE POEE BAPTISMAL RITE
This Mysteree Rite is not required for initiation, but it is offered by many POEE Priests to proselytes who desire a formal ceremony.
1) The Priests and four Brothers are arranged in a pentagon with the Initiate in the centre facing the Priests. If possible, the Brothers on the immediate right and left of the Priest should be Deacons. The Initiate must be totally naked, to demonstrate that he is truly a human being and not something else in disguise like a cabbage or something.
2) All persons in the audience and the pentagon, excepting the Priest, assume a squatting position and return to a standing position. This is repeated four more times. This dance is symbolic of the humility of we Erisians.
3) The Priest begins: I, (complete Holy Name, with Mystical Titles, and degrees, designations, offices, etc.), Ordained Priest of the Paratheo-anametamystikhood of Eris Esoteric, with the Authority invested at me by the High Priest of It, Office of the Polyfather, The House of the Rising Podge, POEE Head Temple; Do herewith Require of Ye:
1) ARE YE A HUMAN BEING AND NOT A CABBAGE OR SOMETHING? The Initiate answers YES.
2)THAT'S TOO BAD. DO YE WISH TO BETTER THYSELF? The Initiate answers YES.
3) HOW STUPID. ARE YE WILLING TO BECOME PHILOSOPHICALLY ILLUMINIZED? He answers YES.
4) VERY FUNNY. WILL YE DEDICATE YESELF TO THE HOLEY ERISIAN MOVEMENT? The Initiate answers PROBABLY.
5) THEN SWEAR YE THE FOLLOWING AFTER ME: (The Priest here leads the Initiate in a recital of THE ERISIAN AFFIRMATION.) The Priest continues: THEN I DO HERE PROCLAIM YE POEE DISCIPLE (name), LEGIONNAIRE OF THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD. HAIL ERIS! HAIL HAIL! HAIL YES!
4) All present rejoice grandly. The new Brother opens a large jug of wine (tequila and/or beer are acceptable substitutes) and offers it to all who are present.
5) The Ceremony generally degenerates.
The Initiate swears the following:
FLYING BABY SHIT!!!!!
(Brothers of the Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria sect may wish to substitute the German:
FLIEGENDE KINDERSCHEISSE!
or perhaps
WIECZNY KWIAT WTADZA!!!!!
which is Ewige Blumenkraft in Polish.)
THE GOLDEN APPLE CORPS
The Golden Apple Corps* is an honorary position for the Keepers of The Sacred Chao, so that they can put "KSC" after their names.
It says little,
does less,
means nothing
* Not to be confused with The Apple Corps Ltd. of those four singers. Wethought of it first.
HOLY NAMES
Discordians have a tradition of assuming HOLY NAMES. This is not unique with Erisianism, of course. I suppose that Pope Paul is the son of Mr. and Mrs. VI?
And also TITLES OF MYSTICAL IMPORT.
Examples follow:
Reverend Saint Synaptyx, KSC, or Rev. St. Syn, KSC
Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Obscenity in Titanium
Über-Sub-Agent | ELF Purple Ops Division, Temporal Exploration Society
High Über-Bastard | LDD Synaptyclypse Generator Sect
Episkopos Battlepope General | Cabal of the Regurgisupial Possetmonkey
Brother Ubiquitous Invidious | POEE Orden der schwarze Sonne
If you can't think of your own, try the Holy Name Generator which generally gives results that can be used for inspiration, thus:
Reverend Space Otter
Episkopos Wanker Action
Uncut Padre Smeg Fucker
Neophyte Nasty Chicken Retard
Disciple Unctuous Ugsome Anacrostic Snafu
†You may also indulge in the Apocrypha Discordia, the Summa Discordia, the Metaclysmia Discordia, the Book of Eris and the Zenarchists Cookbook. All available for free as PDF's in our downloads section, or to buy in squid juice and dead tree editions.
